Boyfriend

I am wrong
I am unloved
I am and will live and will die
How I was born –
With only my mother to love me.
My brother found love
In a tealeaf girl who kisses him
Even when he’s sick.
My sister found love
In a flower girl who holds her hand
When the year changes,
When time passes inevitably by. But
I am happy with time passing me by –
Time singing like wind past my eardrums
Is quick eighth notes in sequence.
I am happy that I can curl up with my friends and
Fall asleep in their beds.
I am happy that I have bandaids and
Orange juice to heal me
On the inside and out.
It’s not enough, he says.
It’s not enough to let time pass,
To sing with my friends,
To love myself.
I am not enough.
I need a partner.
Another half.
Someone to carry me through my darkest moments but
The truth is
I refuse to kiss someone until my cold goes away.
I refuse to rely on a lover for my sunshine.
I refuse to waste time until I find a relationship.
I don’t count my value
On how many people I’ve slept with.
I am worth more than
How many boys want to love me.
I will not live or die alone –
I will live with and love with myself.

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